


You Will Be Okay

by Anonymous



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know where this came from but I had to write it or it would drive me bananas until I did, Non-Sexual Spanking, not sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Giles tries to help Buffy deal with some of her guilt and depression.I don't know when in the series this takes place or what so enjoy what is the literal product of my brain being made into scrambled eggs because of self-isolation.
Relationships: Rupert Giles & Buffy Summers
Kudos: 6
Collections: Anonymous





	You Will Be Okay

“Buffy can I talk to you for a minute?” Giles asked gently, leading the blonde to a couch. Everyone else had left at this point, so it was just the watcher and the slayer. Buffy looked confused, but went and sat next to the older man. “What is going on with you lately?”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, feigning confusion.

“You know what I mean. You are hurting yourself, or finding someone to hurt you, and it is not healthy. It isn’t my place to say, but I think you are internalizing guilt, and trying to find a way to ‘repent’ in a way?” Giles took a shot in the dark, but he couldn’t continue to let this go on. He looked at Buffy, trying to get any sort of visual cues from the girl. She was looking down at her hands, nervously picking at the corners of her thumbs.

“Why does it matter what I do?” she finally responded, albeit quietly, with none of the feist she normally puts in.

“Because, it is not healthy, and the more you internalize, and hurt yourself because of it, the worse it is going to get. Temporary relief isn’t worth it,” Giles explained patiently. 

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am going to explode Giles, I need to do something. It’s my fault, all of this pain, it is all my fault, and there is nothing I can do about it,” Buffy whispered. Giles hadn’t seen Buffy this quiet since the first year he worked with her, when she was fearful of dying. Now she seemed like she wanted to. 

“I think I can help you, if that is what you want?” Giles started, waiting for Buffy’s cue to continue.

“How?”

“Well, there are a couple of things we can do, but essentially I would give you a place where you can temporarily drop all of your responsibilities. You wouldn’t be the Slayer, you would just be Buffy.” Giles waited for Buffy to give some sign of wanting him to continue. Buffy nodded. “Depending on what you want, or what you need, there are different ways we could progress. We could talk, similar to counseling, and I could provide a judgement free place for us to work through all of this. If you need something more, something tangible, I could provide you with a sort of ‘punishment.’ I think that it would help you forgive yourself, if you feel like you're ‘paying’ for your guilt.” Giles stopped there letting Buffy decide what she wanted to happen next. Buffy nodded again, seeming to be interested in what Giles was proposing, but still unsure. “It is very important that you understand that this is not me saying you need to be punished, or that you are a bad person. It is simply me trying to provide a safe place for you to try and let go of some of this guilt.”

“What would you get out of it?” Buffy asked.

“It isn’t about me. It is about you. That being said, it would bring me peace of mind knowing that you were coming somewhere safe when you are feeling like this. Knowing that if you want some sort of physical relief, you were coming to me, not someone who could potentially hurt you. Somewhere where you would feel safe to express all of your feelings, or if something was too much for you. Also, my job is to read you, and I would be able to take you to a place that would free you, without hurting you beyond what you want or need, or causing more trauma.” Giles took a breath waiting for Buffy to respond. Instead, he noticed Buffy starting to cry. “I’m so sorry, Buffy. I overstepped, I should have never…” Giles got cut off.

“Please, please help me, Giles. I need this,” Buffy choked out, and Giles pulled her in to him, hugging her.

“Okay, okay.” Giles just held her, whispering reassurances until she caught her breath. “Let’s get you home. We can talk more about this tomorrow, but right now you need to rest.” Buffy nodded, and Giles drove her home.

\---

The next day, Giles brought Buffy back to his house to continue their conversation. After making tea, he sat down across from her. “How do you feel about what I proposed yesterday?”

Buffy took a sip of tea, “I think I want to try it. I think it could help.”

“Okay. I am going to lay down some rules. One, this is a place where you can say anything. I am not going to judge. Two, I want you to come here if you need it. I am offering you something safe, please use it. Third, I want you to listen to what I am asking you to do because you want to, not because you think it is what I want. What that means is that if you are uncomfortable with something, or something is too much for you, I want you to say so. I am not going to have a ‘safeword.’ If you don’t like something, just say stop, or no. Safewords are too hard to remember.” Giles stopped, scanning Buffy’s face. 

Buffy nodded, “Okay.” 

“Remember, while you are here, you are not the Slayer. You are just Buffy.”

Buffy nodded again, “I understand. Um, is there any chance we could start today.”

Giles thought for a minute. _Was this too soon?_ “Do you feel like you need it today?” Buffy nodded. “I need verbal consent, Buffy.”

“Yes, I need this.”

“Can you tell me what you want? Do you want to just talk or do you want something… more?” Giles, despite being ready for this, was still shy about the more physical aspects of what was going to happen. 

“I need pain, Giles. I need to feel something. I need to let go of my guilt.” Buffy spoke. 

“Okay, this is up for negotiation and change, but I am going to talk through what I was thinking. I would ask you to confess what you are feeling guilty about. You don’t have to go into intense detail, but I need you to express why you want or need this. I will then ask you to lean over the couch, and I will spank you. Right now I am thinking ten for today. Afterwards, we will sit and talk more in depth. I need to make sure you don’t leave feeling worse than you came. We will talk about what you were feeling before, what just happened, how you are currently feeling, just debrief in a sense, and then we will go from there. Does that sound okay?” 

“Yes.”

“Is there anything you oppose, or want to change?”

“No.”

“Okay, please stand and come over to the middle of the room,” Giles instructed, and watched as Buffy complied. She stood in the center of the room, not really seeming to know what to do with her hands. Giles walked over to her, “Close your eyes and relax.” Buffy closed her eyes, and Giles reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder. “Can you tell me how you are feeling?”

Buffy took a minute to respond, “Nervous.”

“Can you be more detailed?”

“I am nervous about sharing. I am nervous about whether or not this will work, or help. I am anxious to begin. I feel safe,” Buffy whispered. Giles rubbed his hand up and down her arm. 

“Can you tell me why we are here?” Giles continued.

“Because too many people die because of me. Because no matter how hard I try to do the right thing, it is never enough. Because I let everyone down, and I deserve to be punished for that,” Buffy said, and Giles’ heart sank. Now was not the time to dissect that, that would come later. 

“Okay Buffy. Please take off your pants and lean over the couch,” Giles said calmly. Buffy complied, and took the position she was instructed. Giles stood next to her, squatting down and placing his hand on her back. “How are you feeling? Is this too much?” Giles knew that he would know if Buffy hit her limits, but he needed to check in anyway.

“I’m good. Please continue.”

“If anything becomes too much, or you want to stop for any reason, please tell me,” and then Giles swatted her. Buffy cried out, but didn’t object, so Giles continued. Around the seventh swat, Buffy started to cry. Giles stopped immediately, placing his hand on her upper back again.

“I am okay, please continue,” Buffy choked out. Giles knew that Buffy was not yet at her limit, but he didn’t want to push her too hard on her first time.

“I am only going to do one more, okay?” Giles watched Buffy nod. Giles raised his hand one last time, and then helped pull Buffy off of the couch and into his arms, before pulling her to sit with him. Buffy continued to cry, but it wasn’t a sad cry. It seemed cleansing, like she was finally starting to forgive herself. Giles just held her, rubbing her back. “You did good. You were so good. You are good.”

“I am going to start an epsom bath for you. It will help ease the sting and help the bruises,” Giles whispered, and Buffy nodded. He got up and went into the kitchen, pouring another cup of tea for the girl, thankful he left the water staying warm on the stove, before moving to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to be leaving Buffy alone right now, but the couch was the most comfortable place for her to be. After starting the bath, and getting the spare pair of sweats that Buffy left at his house( her clothes find their way into everyone's house in case a night goes south, and she needs a change), and placing the cup of tea on the edge of the tub, he went to get Buffy. 

“How are you feeling?” Giles asked again.

“I’m okay. I am really doing okay,” Buffy stated. 

“Okay, let’s get you into the tub,” Giles led Buffy to the bathroom. “I will be on the couch when you are finished, and then we'll talk. Take your time,” Giles stated, before leaving, wanting to give Buffy as much privacy as he can. 

\---

After about half an hour, Buffy emerged in sweats, and found Giles on the couch. 

“How was your bath?” Giles asked as she approached.

“It was good. It was nice,” Buffy responded, calmly. Buffy seemed at peace, or at least more at peace then she had been in a long time. After Buffy got settled on the couch, Giles draped a blanket over her. 

“I want you to talk through what happened, what went through your mind. I need you to understand what this did for you. We have all the time you need, so take your time.” Giles turned so he was facing Buffy. “Let’s start with how you were feeling before, going into it. Why did you feel you needed this?”

“Everything felt heavy. Everything was my fault, and I didn’t know how to make up for it. People acted like they forgave me, but I didn’t believe them. Everything was too much. I needed something, anything, and that is why I was letting myself get hurt. I wanted to feel something other than internal pain. I don’t know what I thought this would feel like, but I felt safe,” Buffy starts, sort of stream of conscious spewing. 

“Can we talk about what you said about why you wanted this? Why were you feeling the way you were?”

“All of these terrible things keep happening to people I love, because of their relativity to me. I keep causing them pain, and even though they stay with me, I know that it is my fault,” Buffy was speaking clearly, which was a relief to Giles.

“And how do you feel now?”

“I feel like I’ve paid for it. I feel lighter. I still know what happened, but I know that I cannot continue to blame myself for it.”

“Do you understand why that had happened? What happened today that helped you realize that?”

“You punished me. You acknowledged what I did, and helped me pay for it. But then afterwards, now, you showed me that I still am deserving of love, and care,” Buffy stated, “You told me I was good.”

“You are good Buffy. You were just dealt shitty cards in life. Can you try to remember that?” Giles waited for Buffy to nod before continuing. “I want you to remember that I am always here if you need someone, okay?” Buffy nodded again. “That being said, you have had a long day, so why don’t I put on a movie and order some pizza. The guest room is made up, so you can sleep here tonight and just be Buffy for a little bit longer.” Buffy smiled at Giles, nodded, and leaned back and closed her eyes. Giles smiled back, patted her knee, and went to go order food. 


End file.
